my experience with stimming
Hiya let's have a yarn about stimming
So stimming is something everyone does but it's usually highlighted in autistic and ADHD people.
Stimming is simply repetitive movements that can vary from each of your senses here's some comen examples.
Visual: looking at light sources, scanning your surroundings, looking at beautiful colours and shapes
Oral: biting lips, cheeks or tongue, chewing on anything non edible
Sound: playing the same song on repeat, focusing on rhythms such as a clock ticking
Autitory: singing, speaking in an acsent, repeating words or phrases
Tactical; running hands, feet, lips etc on a certain texture
Whole body; Jogging on the spot, jumping, flapping hands, rocking
And many many more
stimming usually a good thing (unless it's harming you or others) and should never be stopped.
Here's my experience with stimming, there are many many ways I stimm, as soon as I got ahold of a rattle toy I was hooked, I would also gently play with mine, or whoever was holding me's ears. When I was around 5 I was constantly rubbing my thumb nail on my bottom lips as if I was putting on lipstick, also around the same time I would play with IKEA bag clips (clickers) in a certain way that it would hitt my knuckles whilst playing with my toys. I'd do this every day for hours. I'd get awful blisters but I needed to do this and I didn't know why. Early years of school where tough, suddenly I wasn't allowed to stimm anymore and none of the other children did. It didn't take me long to realise I was very different to everyone else in the entire world.
when i was 7 years old in year two my famliy took me to my first child psychologist, helen, for my "anger issues". during thease appontments helen would teach me that when i felt the need to flap my hands to insted, restrain myself. she would get me to lye on the couch and tightly hold my arms crossed together whilst taking deep breaths and listing to meditation music. i was not happy during this, i tryed my hardest to explain that flapping my hands was not a negitive thig, i was happy when i was stimming but as a seven year old who's comunication skills weren't on point this proved itself to be imposible. at school (oh my goodnes dont get me started on primary school) i would often need to go to the toilet "may i please go to the toilet?" not becase i needed the loo but becase i needed to flap my hands and quetly let out high pitch squeeks. i still do that to this day out of habbit, im alone now, nobody can see me, i can let myself prosses my emotions my way just for a minute or two. as soon as i got home i would run straigt to what ever i may be using to simm eg. my older brothers arrows for his bow and arrow game, wich did get taken away in worry i could hurt mine or my brothers eye, i cryed and screamed and shouded, how else could i communicate my needs. at times i also would take spoons around the garden and use them the same way.
bit of context on what im doing with thease items; so how i would describe it is an extention of hand flapping, it looks like im playing the drums minus said drums, i have certain patters i folow.
around age 8 i started using sticks from trees i preferd shorter thicker sticks at the time. i would go stick shopping down the back of my garden then smuggle then into my bedroom so i could stim whilst playing with my toys [this later transitioned into maldaptive day dreaming] i would hide at resses and lunch with some lovly sticks to stim with and leave my pile for later.
once around this time i was playing a hair dresser game witch included standing in the middle of my lawn stimming with my sticks and saying aloud the entire game , taking to customers. i looked over to see my nabour looking at me from her garden in 'mabey that child has issues' way. i started compleaty hiding myself.
for years i would cry wondering if there was even one child anywhere in the would who did the same forbidden things as i did.
i had many imaganry freinds as a child would i could only be around when i was stimming [the first being boy george when i was a toddler, we would swing on the swing set together] it would always end in an argument and them leving into thin air never to be seen again, oh the tears.
nowerdays i sit down the back of my garden stiming with my longer and thiner but not bendy sticks still terrified that my nabours will see me. i now let myself flap my hands and squeek around peple i trust or places i feel safe and excepted like my clasroom [ok not all the time some of my classmates are still awful at times] and at my citys pride fair day, i had never felt so ok to let myself be well me, my wonderfully autistic self. i am healing.
this new years is my first without the resalotion of to 'quit' stimming.
how ever you stim, you are not somthing to be ashamed of. i adore you.
see ya lots of lov~~~~auggie
